Minnesota Women's Press: What God Is Honored Here?

Excerpt of What God Is Honored Here? edited by Shannon Gibney and Kao Kalia Yang

Native women and women of color poignantly share their pain, revelations, and hope after experiencing the traumas of miscarriage and infant loss

I should have known that babies died, but in 2005, I did not. I remember the nurse’s face when she looked at my ultrasound. I didn’t know I could watch and analyze her face and see my daughter’s death written all over her eyes. I didn’t know that going straight to the hospital meant things were wrong and the sprinting nurse meant things were over. 

I was five days past my due date with my first child. I didn’t understand when the nurse said, “There is no heartbeat.” I told the nurse to revive the baby. 

It is not like I had lived a blessed life, but I had not known tragedy this way. My parents loved me, but I watched abuse and addiction around me. I thought I would be the lucky one. I did not know yet that there are no lucky ones. 

Read the whole excerpt.